More than words

It's been 6 months since WQ left. I don't think i need to say more about how he must still be dearly missed. Remember when he emotionally prompted us all to give a minute of silence to reflect on the bukit batok campus/council room before we moved out? It turned out to be quite a comical moment for some of us, amidst the sadness that bound us all. Perhaps it's an apt moment now to take a minute off your schedule to think of him... in the spirit of Kopitiam.

Another new beginning

Hi Kopitiam!

Phew.. my life has finally returned to some form of organisation for me to be able to pop by here again. Yes, for the record, our son has arrived! Let me introduce you to little Kieran. Thank you, those who found time to drop by at the hospital, and those who witnessed our moment of low and offered comforting words. It has been quite a rollercoaster ride for PS and me, over these first weeks. More to come later on, for now i just want to share with you the moments that gave us that "it's all worth it" feeling...

Role model

Darren was down with diarrhea for the last 2 weeks. It started with high fever and watery stools. Bacterial infection was suspected and with that hospitalisation was recommended to hydrate him and also put him on iv antibiotics (oral antibiotics will not be effective as it worsens diarrhea). Not another stay at TMC!!! I thought, but yes, it is, again

The most horrifying experience was to put Darren on a drip. The first one done on the leg didn't go well, and instead of the liquid/medication going to the vein, it went to the tissues around the leg.... He was crying a lot and I thought it was from his diarrhea cramps, so I carried him upright with his head rested on my shoulder.... it comforted him for a while, but then occasionally he looked at me with this very pathetic expression n started crying again. I still remember his expression now and felt that he must be telling me "Mummy, I'm trying my best not to cry but it's really painful!!" Babies can't talk but their cries do communicate, and it pains me to have failed him that I've not noticed all this while, liquid was filling up his feet and calf. In fact by the time we discovered, his calf was so tight that I could hardly press it down (it's twice the size of his other leg and the ankle is not visible) and his toes looked purplish.

I was hysterical... the minute they removed the drip from Darren, he had this confused look on his face and stopped crying instantly,...it's like "hey, it not painful now, what was that?!" Of course, looking at the state of his feet I started crying and the minute he saw that, he started crying again, he must be thinking "Oh something horrible must have happened to make mummy react like that". Instantly I realised my effect on him and had to hide my panic and comfort him smiling....
Thankfully the swelling subsided after a day.

Children draw strength/learnings from parents, so parents always have to appear strong and positive (anyone watched The Persuit of Happyness - i thought that was a nice movie). I also remember an incident with Justin when he wanted to do something and I casually made a negative remark (not in front of him but to Guohao) about that intended action. Immediately, Justin told Guohao, "Daddy, I cannot do that because mommy said bla bla" Gosh, I wasn;t even talking to him... immediately I had to explain to him that I don;t mean what I said earlier and that he can of course proceed with his activity....

As our children grow older, it's largely our thinking/actions (subsequenty friends and teachers) that is going to shape their thoughts and behaviour as they really look to us as their model...a big responsibility.